These last few days have been exhausting. Lady came back into town on Tuesday morning, I’m honestly not sure if it was ever discussed, I supposed I may have simply assumed I was picking her up. At any rate I got to the airport and picked up a coffee for her. When she saw me her face sank, I went in for a hug and she moved away. Was I making her uncomfortable? Did she think she was making me uncomfortable?

Things deteriorated from there, apparently we hadn’t discussed my picking her up. She had arranged another ride, I didn’t know how to react, and reacted poorly. Back at the apartment I couldn’t think of anything to say, neither could she. I had made plans to come out to my father that day, I’d talked to Lady about the possibility of her joining me but at the time I didn’t want to press my luck.

Things with my father went surprisingly well. He really is a good man, and I’ve come to understand some of the things he was going through as a father through my own interactions with Lady. He’s mellowed out a lot over the years and I’m proud to call him ‘me Pappy’ (in reference to a sight gag from the Robin Williams Popeye).

When I arrived home Lady was in a better mood and we had what I feel was an excellent talk and reconciliation. It didn’t last, within an hour of making up we were bickering once more. That evening Lady and I went to counselling in separate cars. We aired our various grievances while the sage therapist listened and did their best to maintain a balance.

Afterwards I asked Lady what she wanted to do, I suggested I might want to get some groceries then head home. Her response was cold, she said do whatever you like, and walked away without so much as a goodbye. I very much wanted a hug in that moment. She was scheduled to fly out the next day, I honestly didn’t know what she wanted from me.

Once in my car I checked my messages, I had received one from one of my best friends, who we will call Matron. It was an invite to beer and wings at a pub just down the street. Feeling pretty low at the moment I decided that wings were just what I needed. Shortly after I arrived it occurred to me I should at least let Lady know where I was, so I texted her.

She called me moments after I hit send. She was not happy, and I was not welcome back at the apartment. To me it was some down time with a bit of friends when I was feeling bad. Lady saw it as a betrayal. My feelings in hindsight are  mixed. On one hand I can appreciate why Lady was upset, on the other this is the second time she’s insisted I leave my own home, over relatively benign matters. Had she said she wanted to spend time with me and that she would like me to come home, I would have dropped my tab and headed for the door.

Instead I was out in the cold, so to speak. Matron offered me a couch for the night, it actually turned into a pretty great experience. It may well be my first occasion of girl talk. We bemoaned our respective love lives and shared opinions and life experiences on all matter of subjects. The whole thing was very cathartic and she said she likes the blog 😀

Lady’s most recent text to me reads ‘Forever goodnight’s to you <3’

Lady if you reading this, I cannot begin to understand the suffering you’ve experienced because of me. Sorry is not nearly enough. Thank you for the best year of my life.


2 thoughts on “Rollercoaster

  1. I am so sorry to read this. My heart sags for you. The ache I feel on your behalf exists because I’ve known that sort of rejection from a loved one, and it left me feeling very similar to the way you feel. It is a true shame she cannot see past her own anger. I hope things look up for you very soon hon, and that Lady realizes what she has lost and messed up on.

    Ever & Always,
    Caden Lane


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